It’s no secret that United States of America has a pretty pathetic excuse for sex education on the middle- and high-school level…even most colleges don’t have the resources that their students really need. And even those who are fortunate enough to get a decent education are most certainly learning nothing about the pleasurable aspects of sex.
But I can see that the media is working (however slowly) toward a more sex-positive outlook for adults, and trying to bring more pleasure into the bedroom. And while I appreciate their efforts, I feel more fearful with every article I read that the ‘information’ that’s being distributed regarding sex is doing more damage than good.
The problem is this: popular personalities without any experience or education in the matter are being appointed as “experts” by the media, and many of the messages they’ve been broadcasting recently have been dangerous, to say the least.
Back in November, my Facebook Feed blew up in a fit of rage when former UFC Women’s Bantamweight Champion (I’m not going to pretend I know what that means) and Maxim’s appointed sex advice columnist Ronda Rousey publicly labeled lubricant used for vaginal intercourse as “lazy.” I have seen with my own eyes how much damage lube-shaming has done to so many women’s potential for satisfaction in the sack. I recall very vividly the time I offered a customer a free lube sample and watched her eyes get wide and her head shake vigorously, rejecting what I thought was a generous and exciting little gift from my place of work.
The fact of the matter is: a little (glycerin-free, paraben-free) lube never hurt anybody. You may not feel that you need it, but it’s never going to make it worse (KY most definitely will). A little extra slip takes the pressure off your body to self-lubricate, and can be especially helpful with toys that have a little more drag due to their materials. At the end of the day, it’s a bottle of fucking liquid that’s meant to make sex better, and thousands of women are offended and horrified by its existence. This needs to be resolved.
Last week, perpetually half-naked gay blogger Davey Wavey released his “Bottom Bible”, chock full of his advice for gracefully taking it up the ass. There were a few helpful hints in there that I can agree with, but there were also some points that came up that I thought were bound to leave a few followers…”butthurt?” While his co-host Colby Melvin makes the *ahem* radical notion that he enjoys topping men larger than him, Davey himself shoots down that image pretty promptly. He also encourages the use of lubricants with numbing agents, which people really need to stop doing. If you can’t feel your asshole while it’s getting fucked, tissue stands a much higher chance of tearing. Have you ever torn your anal tissue? IT’S. A. NIGHTMARE. And on top of all that…who knows what those AdamMale toys are made of…
And I’m not saying all of this to build myself up in any way (although I could use the work…); I’m a certified sex educator from two different sex toy retailers. I’ve been named a top 100 sex blogger from a few different websites. But I have no degrees in anything sex-related. I was a theatre major, for god’s sake (although, to be fair, that gives me the same credentials as Dan Savage). In the great landscape of sex education, I am but a padawan.
Our country is chock full of sex educators. Knowledgeable, attractive, charming sex educators. Why, then, do we keep seeing folks with zero credentials whatsoever getting paid to give sex advice, while we hang out on the sidelines, yelling “OH COME ON!” like we’re angry football spectators? Do these websites and publications really think that it’s so hard to convince people to read about sex that they have to post a famous face next to it? I’m pretty sure the curiosity can win them on its own…
If you really want to learn about sex, seek out those who actually know what we’re talking about. Check out my fabulous fellow bloggers in my sidebar. Listen to podcasts like Sex Nerd Sandra, Sex Ed a Go-Go, and Why Are People Into That? Attend a workshop at a sex-positive retailer like The Pleasure Chest or Good Vibrations. Follow folks who can provide you with both brain- AND eye-candy like Dr. Chris Donaghue or Reid Mihalko or Dr. Zhana. There are so many brilliant educators out there that can provide you with the knowledge that you seek, that will actually make your sex life better, without throwing in any of that shame regarding your body or your desires.
And if any publications are look for a sex advice columnist, I am available… *bats eyelashes*
SEX EDUCATORS/WRITERS/NERDS: Feel free to sound off in the comments!