The Mystery of the Recovered Underwear

The Mystery of the Recovered Underwear

You guys remember these briefs, right?



If you’ve been reading this blog for over a year, I sure hope you do. Because it was once the first thing you saw upon arriving on my home page.

Well, a few months ago, I realized I hadn’t worn them in a while. Hell, I hadn’t even seen them in a while. I did a quick shuffle through my underwear drawer and realized they were nowhere to be found. This made me sad, because they were some of my favorites, but I assumed they must have torn or something and I had forgotten I’d thrown them away, so I moved on with my life.

Then, a funny thing happened…

When I was in Orlando a couple weeks ago, I was doing laundry at my hosts’ house. The same place I had stayed the previous year. I dump my fresh load (Of DRY LAUNDRY! Perverts…) on my bed and begin to fold them. I grab a pair of underwear, and realize it’s the exact pair shown above. I stood there for approximately five minutes, staring at the underwear, trying to figure out what the hell was going on. I supposed that I must have just left them there the previous year…but then how had they gotten into my load of laundry, and why now, after I had already been staying there for almost two weeks.

I asked one of my hosts if he had found it, held on to it for the year to return it to me, and thrown it in with my load, but he had no recollection of seeing them recently.

With no explanation for the reappearance of my precious briefs, I’m almost afraid to wear them again. Are they undead? Are they a glitch in the matrix? I may never know.

The only thing I do know is…they still make my ass look fantastic.

Orlando Fringe - Preview

Fringe Frenzy: One Down, Three to Go!

Oh. Hi there. I haven’t been here in a while. Sorry about that. Really, I am. But the thing is…I just finished up the Orlando Fringe, and well…it was a friggin’ blast.

In the three years that I’ve been touring (lightly) on the Fringe circuit, this is my first time returning to a festival that I’ve already played (with the exception of Frigid, which doesn’t count because it’s in my hometown.) I could not begin to tell you how much easier it is to market yourself, perform, and just exist in a familiar place.

I arrived at Fringe Headquarters on Day #1 for the kick-off pub crawl, and was greeted by many squeals and warm hugs. The locals welcomed me back. The other visiting artists reconnected. People I hadn’t even met recognized my face and expressed excitement about my show. It was the perfect way to kick off the summer of madness.

The ride was not without bumps, by any means. Even though my reviews were golden across the board, and the people who saw my show claimed to love it, I still had a hard time getting butts in seats. Turns out, it’s a lot harder to get people excited about STDs that I thought. Who’da thunk it? I was not alone though… a lot of other out-of-town artists had a hard time drawing a crowd, while the locals soaked up even more of an audience than usual. The balance was a bit odd. During my two-week run in Orlando, I played to both the largest and the smallest crowds that I’ve ever had for my solo shows. Twice, I was almost sold out (close, but no cigar) and one night I performed for an audience of six. Usually I wouldn’t be so bummed out, because I’m accustomed to this sort of fluctuation at these events, but I had hoped that Orlando would be my big moneymaker before I zip off to less familiar territory. I definitely made more than I spent though, so that’s nothing to shake a finger at.

Last year at the Orlando Fringe, I saw 29 shows. This year, I beat that record at 32. And many of those were some of the most brilliant pieces of theatre that I had ever seen. I don’t know how to describe any of them in a way that will do them justice, but among my favorites were:

  • Butt Kapinski: An improvised film noir involving one incompetent and inarticulate private eye who directs a cast made up of audience members.
  • Grim & Fischer: A comedia del arte style story of a feud between the Grim Reaper and an whole woman who is not yet ready to move on.
  • The Lion Queen & The Naked Go-Go Cub: A hysterical and surprisingly moving parody of The Lion King that pays tribute to the start of the gay rights movement (trust me, it makes way more sense than you’d think. And yes, he was actually naked.)
  • Fruit Flies Like a Banana: Three musicians guide you on a whimsical choose-your-own-adventure concert/comedy/dance piece.
  • The Ruby Darlings: A delightful British cabaret show that pretty exclusively sang about vaginas.

There was a lot of dick in this year’s festival. Like, at least five dicks were displayed in full view. And no, none of them were my own. I apparently picked a bad year to not take my clothes off in my show. I’m a little torn on whether I want to get more naked in the future to spark more ticket sales, or if I want to keep whining about how people should think my brain is sexy enough. I’m not going to sweat it too much yet. I still have to figure out what my next show is going to be before I worry about how much skin I’ll flash. I have time.

Anyway, that adventure is over. I left Orlando yesterday, and am currently residing in Boston for the next week. Most of it will be spent unwinding, but I’ll be performing with the beautiful boys of Sirlesque next Thursday in Masculinitease II: Testosterotica. If you’re in the Boston area, you should come check us out! After that…Montreal. But I need to let my brain rest a bit before I start working myself up for that one.

I am so tired, you guys…

Away We Go!

It’s All Happening!

WHEW! Feels like forever since I’ve been able to sit and breathe! The last couple weeks have been such a whirlwind, it feels like I didn’t even seen them happen! A little update for you…

I got nothing to hide...
I got nothing to hide…

First: I moved. Still in Brooklyn. Not too far from where I was before. I’m moving in with a good buddy of mine and I think life in this apartment is going to be swell. However, when I had to move out of my old apartment, my room’s previous dweller had not yet moved out, so I spent last week couch surfing with assorted friends. It was rough, but not nearly as rough as I anticipated. Because my friends are awesome. Duh.

Second: my Fund What You Can campaign. It is done. I raised $2,020, which is only half of the goal I set, but ya know what? It’s beyond terrific. Every dollar that I raised is going to be a huge help in keeping me fed on the road, and keeping my show looking fabulous. I’m thankful for all who pledged, but I have to especially thank Byrne Harrison, Joe Corallo, Landy Manderson, Ben Gerber, Dawn Serra, Robert Sacheli, Teddy Turnaround, Brief Sweat, Will Harrell, David VanZyl, Christian Vigrass, Dale Stones, Kate Sinclair, GoGo Gadget, Strap-on Jo, White Elephant Burlesque, Sean Holloway, Sully Carmona, Matthew Nicholson, Mark McDaniels, Ashley Manta, Jeffrey Thomas, Rick Borutta, Jessica Cauttero, Aaron Blank, Nearly Candy Photography, Renee Verdier, Amanda Ferrandino, David Little, Lotta Sass, and Corinne Silver for their donations of +$25. Y’all are stupendous.

If you still want to contribute, but missed the deadline, you can click my donate button in the column on the right and send me as much or as little as you like!

Away We Go!
Away We Go!

Third: Orlando. I am there now. I have been since Monday. It’s been an awesome few days so far. This is my first time returning to a fringe festival in a city I don’t live in, and I received the most delicious welcome from the local fringers. So many fond memories from last year hit me the moment I landed. My show opens tonight, so if you can’t be in Orlando to see me, wish me luck! And you can check out my first review here!

That’s all for now, but don’t worry…I’ll keep you posted on the juicy details.

Much love!

Poly Training

Poly Training

(Like ‘potty training.’ Get it? Just making sure.)

I’ve been saying for several years now that I’m pretty sure monogamy is not my jam. I’ve been pretty sure of this since the end of my college years. I’ve had a couple relationships since then, in which I introduced my partner to the option of an open relationship at the very beginning, but was eventually cajoled into a monogamous one…one of which was done very politely, the other by force.

This is one of the main reasons I haven’t done much dating in the last few years. I needed to take some time to figure out what it was I wanted from my future relationships, and learn to stick to my guns. Even when I was certain the person I was dating was into an open arrangement, I was constantly terrified to bring up the subject, which made it hard to connect.

Well, the last month has been a bit of an emotional whirlwind. On top of the fact that I’m moving out of the apartment I’ve lived in for the past six years and I’m about to spend the next two months traveling the continent (mostly) all by myself… I met someone. Usually I wouldn’t even consider letting myself get worked up after only knowing someone for a month, but I am super worked up about him. And he’s super worked up about me. It’s pretty fucking fantastic.

He’s both kinky and polyamorous, which are two things I’ve been wanting in a partner for a long time and, honestly, thought I might never find. So basically, I’ve totally scored.

There’s one small complication though. See…although I’ve wanted to be non-monogamous for a long time, I’m still wired for monogamy. It’s all I know. And while polyamory looks mighty fine from the spectator’s station, it’s hard. As any poly person will tell you, it’s motherfuckin’ hard. And I’m just getting started.

I had always imagined that, when the time came, my partner and I would start from square one and build it up from there. But my new fella is way more experienced at this than I am, and has previously existing partners. I’m the new kid at the table. And it’s not a bad feeling, per se…it’s just overwhelmingly unfamiliar. The jealousy is very real, I’m not going to deny it. But once the dust settles and I can see what’s ahead of me more clearly…I think I’m going to dig it.

The obstacles, though, are incredibly minor next to the rewards. I don’t want to count my chickens too early or anything, but I can’t recall a time that I’ve been this happy with someone. It’s been over a decade. I’d forgotten that I was even capable of feeling this way for another person. It’s a big deal. I’ve even stopped clicking “I don’t want to see this” every time someone gets engaged or married on Facebook. Hell, sometimes I even ‘like’ it! WHAT HAVE I BECOME?

Anyway, those are my preliminary thoughts on polyamory. I’m really excited to explore this further with the aforementioned fella, and I’m certain there will be more where this came from.

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First Peek: “Cootie Catcher”

You’ve been hearing about it for months. Close to a year, in fact. But if you aren’t in New York (and even if you are), you have yet to see what “Cootie Catcher” looks like on stage. Today, I will remedy that. My friend Aaron Long filmed my final performance at FRIGID New York and compiled this nifty trailer for me, that I think you’ll find highly entertaining. Take a gander… and don’t forget that my Fund What You Can Campaign is still alive and hoppin’!



Click here to donate!