PROvember: ‘Thank You for Cumming’ Contest – Win a Tantus Toy Package!

‘Tis the season of giving thanks. Every year at this time, we come together and express our gratitude for our families, our friends, our successes, our pets…whatever good stuff comes to mind.

I don’t know about you, but I can’t remember the last time I sat down before the turkey and the stuffing and whatnot and gave thanks for the orgasms, or said I was grateful for a good fuck. Sure, it’s not stuff you really want to blurt out at a family gathering, but my sex life is very valuable to me, as I’m sure it is to most of you. Why shouldn’t we be able to share our thanks?

So I want us to do just that. And there’s a little something in it for ya.

I’ve got a basketful of Tantus toys to give away (mostly butt stuff). And in order to earn it, I want you to tell me something sexy that you’re thankful for. It could be a partner, a toy, an event, a community…what ever has influenced your sexuality in the most positive way. It doesn’t have to be much…a paragraph or two will do. Email it to me by 12 AM (EST) on Thanksgiving Day (the midnight between Wednesday and Thursday, just for the sake of clarity). Include the name you want to be credited with (it doesn’t have to be your real name) and any link you want me to include (blog, Twitter, Facebook, Tumblr, whatever).

On Thursday around noon, I will post all of the submissions I received, and announce the winning entry. And don’t worry, I’ll contribute a little something of my own…

My First MIX

Flowers at MIX NYCMIX NYC, New York’s Queer Experimental Film Festival, has been going on for the last 27 years. I have lived here for almost 10, so how I never made it out there is beyond me. For the last two years, people have been telling me about it, but always as it’s been going on, not giving me a lot of time to plan. This year, the bad planning was all on me. BUT I managed to make it out for the opening and closing nights.

And it might be one of the best things I’ve ever experienced in this city.

Imagine: An enormous warehouse, decked out with huge, colorful flowers and golden honeycomb. Art installations of assorted media. Some of the most elaborate, impressive, and bizarre costumes you’ve ever seen. Cushions and pillows scattered across the room, piled with queers relaxing, drinking, cuddling, and yes… sometimes fucking. It’s a beauty to behold.

I didn’t actually get to see any of the film screenings. I had bought a ticket for the opening night screening, but the theater was so full and so hot from all the bodies that I had to step out. I didn’t mind though. I was content just to hang out with all the awesome people. And that’s something I wish people had told me before: you don’t have to go for the films. You can just go and drink and hang out for free! (I do suggest buying drinks and tipping well though, just to give back to the people who made all of this awesomeness happen.)

I made art on the bathroom wall.

I really didn’t know what to expect when I walked in… all I knew was that I didn’t want to miss out on it again. I was somewhat nervous wandering in all by my lonesome, but as I expected, I found plenty of familiar faces very quickly: Former coworkers from Babeland, current coworkers from The Pleasure Chest, cute boys I’d talked to online but hadn’t met yet, cute boys I’d already slept with… you know, just a fuckton of sexy people looking fierce as hell. The company was excellent, and I wish I could have spent more time amongst them.

And I feel like this is one of those things that just gets better the more you do it…the more people you meet, the more time you spend in the environment, etc. Next year I’m going to do the smart thing and volunteer, because really…I need way more of this kind of scene in my life.

Holy Homoflexible, Batman!

I’ve identified myself as a gay man for almost thirteen years. Before that, I spend the larger part of a year calling myself bisexual, not so much because I was still noticeably attracted to women but because I was afraid. Afraid that by pursuing relationships with men, that I would be giving up some bland “happily ever after” adulthood that only heterosexuals were entitled to.

Once I knew I had the support of my friends and family (which thankfully wasn’t very long) I felt confident enough to stamp the ‘gay’ label on myself. And after that, it was pretty much smooth sailing. The kids at school weren’t interested in picking on me for acting gay once I stopped denying it. The only time I was gay-bashed in my hometown was by a fully grown adult in a minivan who didn’t have the balls to insult me outside of a moving vehicle. The only cruelty I’ve ever actually experienced due to my sexuality was from politicians. So…thanks universe.

A little over a year ago, I tacked the ‘queer’ label on top of the pre-existing ‘gay’ one, more for social reasons than sexual ones. I like the atmosphere that queer-identified people provided. Gay environments are often absurdly competitive and unfriendly. But also, while I’ve always been drawn to masculine energy, I’ve found that I’m less particular about anatomy and gender presentation, so I figured it wouldn’t hurt to cast a broader net.

Then, last week, I had a…moment. I was at a burlesque show, watching a female fellow performer do her thing (expertly, I might add), when I thought “Damn…if I were into girls, I would totally tap that.” And then I paused. And corrected myself: “Actually, I kind of do want to tap that.” It was funny, for a lot of reasons. Because it hit me so suddenly, and yet didn’t surprise me at all. Because I let the thought process in my brain, and then I moved on from it. Because it reminded me so much of the first times I was attracted to a man, but this time I knew what to do with the feelings. Because it made me think of other women I knew who I may have actually felt attraction to, but not acknowledged it.

The funny thing is…it doesn’t feel weird to me. I know that sexuality is fluid, and I’ve been prepared for something like this for a while now. The biggest deal about this whole thing is that it’s not a big deal at all. I’m not that gay dude who’s afraid of a woman’s body. Yeah, I’m sticking to the ‘gay’ tag, (for chrissake, I just rebranded with the word “HOMOSEXUAL” plastered next to my face) but I’m not afraid to bend my rules. ‘Cuz let’s be honest, what good is that going to do me?

Magic Wand Rock Star

It’s Re-Branding Day

Magic Wand Rock StarToday is my blog’s sixth anniversary. Yes…six whole years of unsolicited opinions, shameless self-promotion, tawdry tales from between the sheets. And I’m celebrating by RE-BRANDING THE WHOLE FUCKING THING.

That’s right. Top to Bottom is no more. Welcome, now, to The Intellectual Homosexual! Yup. That’s me. I’m really excited about it. I hope you are, too.


‘Why re-brand’, you might be asking yourself? Or me. You might be asking me. That would make a lot more sense.

Well, there are several reasons…

First of all, the tagline ‘top to bottom’ has become more and more common in gay-related puns, and each time one of them pops up I have a miniature nervous breakdown. I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve been mis-tagged as some gay radio show, a completely un-unique porn site, or a blatant ripoff of Cards Against Humanity. These things don’t make me feel clever, and cleverness is a thing I strive for in all that I do.

Secondly, as proud as I am to be named one of the top hundred sex bloggers on the internet (numerous times… #brag), sometimes, I don’t want to write about sex. Sometimes I want to nerd out about other things. ‘What kind of other things?’ Well…I don’t know yet…but I’ll think of something.

Third, I feel like this is a gigantic step towards combining all of the hats that I wear (writer/performance artist/sex educator) into one singular, fabulous hat, so that one day I can stop collapsing under the weight of all of the fucking hats that I’m wearing. It’s all about consolidation.

Aside from the name, the look, and hopefully a MASSIVE SURGE IN TRAFFIC, not much is going to change around here. To those of you who have been following me for lengthy periods of time, thank you for your support, and I hope you continue to stick around. To the newcomers, welcome! Read me lots, please and thank you!

Now, let’s get intellectual up in here.

Massive gratitude to Val Orenda from Dildology for lending his brain to this madness!